THE SUPER MEGASON IV!!!

So I'm browsing around the supermarket next to my house in Bahrain when all of a sudden, next to the lightbulbs I saw... THE SUPER MEGASON IV!!!

The packaging just blew me away. I mean I have played consoles before but holy shit my ps2 never made me fly before! Dude the kid looks sooooo cool with those badass shades and the gun that fires lasers and shit. Then I turned the box on its side and I saw pictures of some of the games. Contra and Silkworm were already some of my all time classic favourites, but check it out there's some game with the cast of The Matrix!!



I knew right away that this was the hottest thing to ever hit the console scene. Best of all it only cost the equivalent of $6.63 so I sold a testicle and bought it, and am bringing you this world exclusive first review!


The Super Megason IV comes with everything you see here, plus a game cartridge hidden underneath the main unit. I was particularly impressed with the DC power supply- they used real wire!


Here is the Megason in action. The case has been pre-modded- it has an LED. Also the flip up cover provides excellent protection for the game cartridge in case fat people try to stand on it while you are playing.

Design - this thing looks totally sweet. Sony should stop dicking around and steal a few ideas from these guys. Also I don't know how they did it but they must have squeezed a FIVE THOUSAND speed dvd-rom reader into the system because it has ZERO load times!!

Bundled software - don't let the short list on this cartridge fool you, there are actually 10 million games in this thing!

Even if you were super fast like spiderman and played through every single game in 5 seconds it would still take you like 2 days to finish all these games so you will never never get bored! My only recommendation is that future bundles of the console replace 'Javeling Throw 403' with a nice classic like, oh I don't know, Excite Bike 35235?

Graphics - The picture quality was really good. In addition to the normal RF out, the console offers rca audio/video plugs (but you need to steal the cable from your friends).

Some people may complain that the graphics aren't as flashy as what an XBox can do, but as we all know gameplay is the most important factor. Besides, this system is just starting out, and programmers are still getting the hang of working with the Megason's awesome 8 bit GPU. I am sure that in a few years time we will see some real mindblowing titles that will truly harness this console's power.

Controller - for some reason it wasn't the playstation controller shown on the box... instead I got something even better! In addition to start and select, the pads had SIX buttons!! They are great. The center buttons function as 'B' and the outer ones function as 'A'. This was super helpful when I had to button mash like crazy in Hyper Olympic 2000.

The controller fit into my hand just fine (take THAT Xbox) and all the buttons worked (unlike my friend's fake gamecube controllers that die after 4 days).


Gun - baby this thing is awesome. The plastic is so cheap that it weighs as much as a sheet of paper but it fires like a rocket launcher! I just pointed the gun at any corner of the screen in Duck Hunt 400 and BAM those ducks were blown away. I never got high scores like this when I was a kid using Nintendo's stupid orange zapper dildo. And as an added bonus the cord is so short that it forces you to stay 1 foot away from the screen to use it- so you never miss!!

The bad part - I was a little disappointed that even though I had been playing for 10 minutes, I did not start to fly, nor did lasers shoot out of my lightgun. I will try to contact the company that made this masterpiece of electronics and see if the console's flying point unit was faulty. In the meantime, an LSD doped spliff will do the job. Also it did not contain Smash TV starring Keanu Reeves as I had hoped. He must have phoned his way out of the system.

Benchmark results:

Madonion 8bitgraphicsmark: 8/8

Loadtimemark: Damn quick

Valueformoneymark: 102%

Sisoft Overallmark: 91%

I highly recommend buying the Super Megason IV. Its awesome gun action is an invaluable training tool for budding OGs , and the sports games will make you very strong like Arnold.

Coming soon, in true [A]frotech style, watercooling the Super Megason IV!

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